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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Birth Story

So it just occurred to me that I haven't posted Nolan's birth story to my blog yet, DER. So I'm posting it now. I suppose it doesn't matter since my only followers are from The Bump!

I arrived for my scheduled induction at 7:30am on Thursday where they got me checked right in and into a room. At about 8:30am they checked me (no progress, of course) and started me on the first round of the pill to start contractions and help me dilate. I forgot the name of it, but it wasn't cervadil. It was supposed to be stronger than cervadil and start labor contrax. Let me tell you, those internals SUCKED! The nurses at the hospital were so rough, and with the meds inside irritating my cervix it made it 100000X worse. I swear I wanted to punch those nurses.

The original game plan was to start me on the pill, and if that didn't work, on to the 12 hour cervadil gel, and if that didn't work, start me on pitocin the next morning. I'm sort of glad I never made it to the pit.

After 4 hours of the pill, they checked me, no progress. Round 2, 4 hours later, no progress. Round 3, 4 MORE hours, no progress. By this time (around 8pm) the contractions are unbearable, they are only a minute apart, and it's back labor. The most intense contractions weren't doing jack sh!t for my cervix. I started getting extremely irritable and depressed at that point; I pretty much knew it was going to end with a c/s. The whole time Nolan's heart rate was steady and doing great. My mom and sister came to visit for a while, followed by my grandparents and my 2 cousins which was great and helped take my mind off the contractions. My seasons of Star Trek Voyager that I got for Christmas helped too ;)

After the pill fail my doc decides to do the 12 hour cervadil and watch me overnight. I contracted with the cervadil until around midnight when they became so bad I finally asked for SOMETHING to help. They pushed Ambien on me, rather than the pain meds, and told me to try to sleep. The contractions were so bad and so close there was no way I would sleep with just Ambien. Ten minutes later I was ringing the nurse to bring me the pain meds. After getting them, I was out.

At different points in the night the nurse would come in to wake me up and make me change positions, saying "baby doesn't really like that side, try to flip over." So I'd flip and go back to sleep. I don't know how many times that happened, but it was quite a few.

Then around 6am my nurse comes in and wakes both me and Cade up to tell us Nolan's heart rate had fallen and spiked at different times during my contractions, and it meant he could be in distress. She had already called my doctor to talk "game plan" and they both decided it was in his best interest to go ahead with the c/s. My nurse had checked me again that morning, and I was still at 0 dilation. The nurses kept asking if I had ever had any procedures done on my cervix, which was very frustrating. No, ladies, my cervix just sucks.

They got me prepped for surgery at 6:45, and by the rushing around everyone was doing, I would guess Nolan was in more distress than my nurse had told me...but I let them run around and do their thing. I figured they would get him out faster if I just shut up and did my job of laying there. DH came in with the camera and they started the surgery. A c/s is the weirdest feeling ever, because even though I was numb, I could still feel them working on me. My doc goes "Alright, here he comes!" and Nolan Wayne was born at 7:04am on Friday, Feb 5, 2010. He weighed 7lbs 12oz, and 19 1/2 inches long. Don't ask me where I was hiding that much baby, lol. His cord wasn't wrapped around him at all, and the amniotic fluid was clear so we got him just in time.

He let out a little cry when they suctioned his lungs out and when they did his footprints, but once he was wrapped up like a little burrito he was just as quiet as could be, looking around the room. When they handed him to me and I said hello to him, the way he looked at me said it all. He knew exactly who I was by my voice and he never took his eyes off me. I don't even know how to explain it, but the whole world disappeared and none of the pain of the 23 hours of labor, and the future pain of recovery from the dreaded c/s mattered anymore. They could have cut off my legs for all I cared at that point. I had my little man, and it was all worth it.

Well that's it, I hope I didn't miss anything! Recovery was slow going and painful but I improve every day. It's a small price to pay for bringing such a perfect thing into the world. I can't believe how much more I fall in love with him every day. He has his daddy wrapped around his little finger, too.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The routine has started!



Nolan got his first bath last night! He did great, and only cried at first and fussed when we were drying him off because he was cold. Such a big boy! He's also outgrown his newborn diapers since the last time I updated. He is growing so fast! 9lbs at his appointment last week!

I've also decided to seek help for my PPD, and I have an appointment with my OB on Monday to hopefully get on something to help. I can't stand being this negative ball of emotions anymore, and I'm ready to be the mom and wife I know I can/need to be. I haven't been in control of myself or my life since delivery and I've had enough. I'm tired of hurting my husband and my family with my uncontrollable anger and irritability. That's just not me, and I'm done.

So the Houston Livestock Show starts tonight and I'm dying to see either Brad Paisley, Gary Allan or Lady Antebellum. I MUST get tickets to one of the shows! We didn't go to the cookoff this year :( but I intend to go next year with Nolan in tow. I can't wait for that!

2 weeks 3 days until my 6 week pp appointment! I can't wait to be released to work out, and for *other* fun stuff as well ;) Cade has this date circled in red on the calendar, btw.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Gonna be a rough Wednesday...

Today's Lesson: Never eat at Taco Bell. EVER.

Yesterday Nolan came down with something and is all stopped up and cranky since he can't really sleep. We took him to the doctor and got some nose drops, since there really isn't any meds they can give a 2 1/2 week old. On the way home we stopped and grabbed some Taco Bell, and I got some soft tacos to save and eat for dinner. Big mistake. After I ate them later that evening my stomach started hurting like crazy. I tossed and turned all night with it and couldn't straighten my body out much less stand up. Cade had to tend to Nolan all night and go to work this morning. I'm such a horrible wife/mom. This morning I finally threw up, but still haven't gotten any relief. God help me. My mom is on her way over to help me with Nolan, the poor thing just now fell asleep after having been awake since 3am. What a day, already. When it rains it pours!!!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Bad Mom.

Ugh I feel like such a bad mom. Cade and I sent Nolan to stay with MIL Saturday night because a friend of ours was having a birthday party and we didn't know when we'd get back. Well while he was there, his cord fell off! And MIL couldn't find it! I was so mad/disappointed that I missed it. I still am. I feel like a bad mom for not being there...and I think his belly button is infected. It's all green and oozy so I've been trying to keep it clean and dry and I have been putting neosporin on it. And BTW, today is the first day Cade is working for a full 12 hours. I'M FKN STARVING! I NEED FOOD! Someone bring me a subway sandwich! I want a $5 foot long!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Milk machine I am no more.

My supply is already tanking...perfect. I haven't pumped in 12 hours and I'm not even engorged. FML. Can I save it?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

First hangover in 9 months.

I am one hungover mofo today, folks. I went out with my SIL to a local dance hall called Cherokee last night while Cade stayed home with Nolan and slept. I only had a few vodka and cranberries, but some random guy kept buying our table entire trays of shots. So between the assload of shots, the vodka & cranberries, and the few beers I had at Josh's house, I'm a wreck. I'm sooo exhausted, too. I don't get to go to sleep for a while because I have to meet Cade over at our friend Joey's house for his birthday in a little while. I'm taking Nolan to MIL's for the night so he can go to church in the morning, too. Ugh busy busy me.

Well I survived yesterday thank God. I think I'm more confident in caring for my son, now. Although he didn't blow out his diaper, so I got to skip out on the poopy diaper. I swear that's one thing that I just can't swing...diaper changing. I can do everything else and have no issues, but diapers make me cringe. Why can't babies be born potty trained?

For your viewing pleasure, Nolan grinning yesterday.

Friday, February 19, 2010

God help me!

So Cade just left to go back to work...this is the first time I've been left alone with my son for any amount of time. I'm sitting here staring at him wondering, "Now what?" Maybe after today I will feel more confident in my mommy abilities? One can only hope. But how to make it through today is the nagging question.

If you're wondering why I'm so paranoid about being the sole parent in my house, I'll explain. Since the day Nolan was born I've been unable to care for him completely by myself. I was always in too much pain, or on too much medication to really be much help. In the past 2 weeks I've started to recover and am able to do much more than I could, but I'm still not 100%.

I've had a lot of emotional issues since Nolan was born as well. I'm not sure if it's just the normal "baby blues", or if it could be a touch of PPD. I love my son with all of my heart, but I really don't desire to care for him. I'm not sure I want to do this anymore, and at times all I can do is cry. I feel so guilty for having these feelings...to feel like I made a mistake by having him, and wishing I could just be pregnant with him again. When I was pregnant I was able to take care of him by myself without anyone's help. I can't get into the whole diaper thing...I just can't. Sometimes I just want to disappear...

I sit here and watch him sleep and I cringe every time he stirs, in fear he's waking up and I'll have to change or feed him. I can't even pry myself off the couch out of my sleep to do any night feedings. My poor husband. Listen to how horrible I sound...I can't believe what a bad mom I am. I need help. I need to talk to my OB about these issues on Monday at my checkup.

I tried to talk to my mom about my issues and she basically told me to suck it up. I tried to talk to Cade about them, too, and all he can say is "I understand". Bless his heart...he is really trying, but I don't want to hear "I understand". I need someone to have an opinion and tell me what they think about how I feel. If that makes any sense...

Well, my boobs hurt so I need to pump...I'll write again tomorrow.



Look at that face...how can I be so horrible to him? I really should just disappear...

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